Working in the field of international development, there is an assumption of working and living overseas; there is an inherent instability and level of flux and motion. It’s great to work and live in a dynamic environment that is always changing: it is never boring. There is always new-ness: new tasks, new things, new places and new people.

In working for a large NGO, I also have the luxury of job stability. But sometimes I feel as though I’ve “sold-out” to the template of a productive member society: go to school, graduate, get a stable job, get married, have kids, etc, etc. ad nauseum. A friend of mine started a tiny organization, Raising the Village, that goes against the grain of both our model of society as well as the business model of NGOs.  At times, I envy the singular drive that distinguishes RTV from other organizations. But of course, every NGO and every person has their niche: I am still figuring out mine.

The rhythm of relief and humanitarian work is 3 months somewhere, home for a break, and then another 3 months in the next disaster zone. This schedule doesn’t allow room for family, friends, relationships, and the rest of life in general. I know people who were able to manage this lifestyle, but not many, and probably not me.

Should I be looking for more stability or more security? I have been told to expect uncertainty, and to be certain of the unexpected. In any case, “You can’t always get what you want” (sing along to that tune!) or that you can’t always get everything you want.

The distribution was targeted at households who had fled their town after fighting between soldiers broke out. From our estimates we served about 700 households. Multiplying that by an average household size of 4, that meant 2800 people. But the numbers are never accurate since some households had only one person and other households were ten or twelve. As expected with this discrepancy, there was fighting. There was fighting for food provided by WFP. Lots of fighting. There was also fighting for the NFI kits that we distributed. Almost every 15 minutes there would be a squabble large enough to summon the army, all toting loaded AKs, to help keep the peace.

Our team of four was outside in the wind and sun for five of the hottest hours of the day. I applied and re-applied plenty of 45SPF sunscreen and I still got a bit burnt. Three liters of water and no lunch were barely enough to keep me going. But we were successful in giving out all our mosquito nets, buckets (although some were broken), kitchen sets, blankets and tarpaulins.

It was a busy day, but some of the people were friendly saying “Salaam” or trying out their English “How are you?”. That gave me a chance to practise my 4-5 phrases of Arabic. But for the most part of the day it was just too busy giving out kits, opening packages, that there wasn’t even time to look up and greet people. I just took their card, marked a “K”, gave a pot or kitchen set and pointed them onward.

The toughest part was when we were finished distributing the kits and an old leprous lady with no fingers came over and begged for something. All I could say was sorry, “maalesh”. She was crying and there was nothing to be done for her. Some Sudanese staff helped her to get registered, but she had nothing and she received nothing yesterday. I felt sad for her, but strangely, it wasn’t heart rending.

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season

Psalm 1:1-3

I read that Psalm today and I’m the tree that yields its fruit in season. I’m planted by water, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sprout fruit every day. There are the harvest seasons and I’m glad that God is in charge of that. I’m also glad that God is charge of any change of plans too!

It’s a relief to know with much higher certainty that I will be Nairobi tomorrow morning. I’ve already checked-in 24hrs ahead of the flight as per my routine, so everything is ready and confirmed. Yesterday was a bit of a tense day for me as I waited for HQ to green-light/red-light my departure. Fortunately, the situation in Nairobi has been quiet for the last short while and my HRO had just spoken with my Country Director (CD) earlier in the day.

Last night was a nervous time. I didn’t realize that my heart was pounding and I couldn’t get to sleep. A creaky bed and another room mate made the task of sleeping slightly more difficult. During the last few days at HQ, I’ve at least started on reading WatSan manuals, technical documents and getting my head into work.

A lot of different people have been asking how I’m feeling. I’m happy to say that now I’m ready. This pause was an excellent time to find out about patience and God’s timing. I can’t say about hindsight since I’m not entirely sure yet what the lessons were. Through my Bible-in-one-year plan, I’m reading Joshua and this verse picked me up and encouraged me just when I needed it:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” [Joshua 1:9b]

God is good and He continues to shape and mould every part of my year with Medair.

I’ve been waylaid in Switzerland for an additional week. The situation in Kenya is still very uncertain with the opposition planning to hold rallies against the government on Wednesday through Friday.  I received the notification to postpone barely 28 hours before my flight was to depart Geneva. It was definitely a surprise although I knew there was a possibility of change since the situation in Kenya has been brewing since December.

I’m getting a bit restless in Switzerland. I’ve already seen most parts of Geneva and also Lausanne. Museums have been visited, vistas absorbed, delicacies enjoyed and every last thing done. It’s definitely frustrating to be stuck here when there is work waiting for me in Sudan. But I think this is another aspect of God’s timing and His plan. I’m learning to deal with this impatience and frustration.

So tomorrow I will be heading back to Lausanne, to the Medair HQ. I’ll start looking into WatSan (Water & Sanitation) books and information to start my professional preparation. Also, it’ll be easier to spend my extra week at HQ and absorb by osmosis from everyone around me.

As prayer points, please pray for:

• the situation in Kenya
• my managing frustrations and disappointments
• my other team members who are laying low in Nairobi