Ben Tshin

Did you see anything? I didn’t notice anything different today. What’s the big hype with birthdays? Well I definitely didn’t notice anything over the past hour but then again I wouldn’t expect to. Thinking back, I haven’t changed too much since last year either. Or the year before.

Okay, there are somethings that do change but apart from that I don’t feel a year more mature than when I was 20 nor do I feel 2 years more mature than I did when I was 19 either. Stunted progress, it must be Waterloo.

Note about Waterloo: Don’t send your kids here and don’t tell your friends to come here unless they want to learn and suffer (just like me).

HA! Life continues in Waterloo; the soldier trudges along in through the mud. Of course my situation isn’t all that rosy, but then again it isn’t all that bad. Luckily I’m doing okay in all my other courses but still, I believe that NHL2003 will be the end of me. So that’s why I’ve chosen to exile myself on campus.

Ironically, the Three Sisters of Fate decided to crash my computer yesterday in hope that I would study more and use my computer less. Unfortunately, the first thing I reinstalled was NHL2003. *ben hangs his head in shame* Yes, it’s true. But I’ll work my exile. I have an academic term to complete and complete it well I will.

“Do or do not, there is no try.” -Yoda

To take the spotlight away from myself for a moment, my brother just returned from 3 months in Yunnan, China and it was refreshing to see his farcical stupidity punctuate our reasonably sane family. Anyway, check out all his stories and pictures at passion + reason.

Today, a rude awakening. A slap in the face. Yes, wake up and smell the dankness of 2B Systems Design Engineering. The forces that rule have determined that I am not fit (or fit enough) to stand the rigors of Linear Signals & Systems. The first quiz: 78% below the class average of 81%. And then the shocker (to others, but not to me), the second quiz: 20%, half of the class average of 42%. So I will be entering the final exam failing my first university course: 49%.

“2B or not 2B”. This term will BE and it will BE only once. I don’t plan on redoing this term at all. Anyway, after this is done relaxation for Christmas. Yes, I’ll be running away from this horrible academic term that has told me that I still don’t have my stuff sorted out.

The obvious question is “Will I ever? Will I ever have my act together?” Of course I will, but I’m sure hoping that it’s sooner than later.

Well I’m just a-GLOW. I’m just back from attending my first ever GLOW (Gays and Lesbians Of Waterloo) meeting. It was a “Heart-to-Heart” discussion about body image, but the topic didn’t really matter at all. The simple fact was that I sat in a room with 15 gay men.

The idea to attend GLOW was presented to me (along with some other Navs people) by Dean over the summer. He took Jesus as an example and showed how Jesus didn’t come to see the holy and the righteous people. He came to meet with and eat with the socially outcast people of His time. So I decided that I’d goto GLOW and see what Jesus might want to do with me in a group like that. I don’t think that I’ll be converting souls, or even that I’ll share much of the gospel, but I’m there to first learn. I’m in university to learn afterall.

Walking in was probably the most daunting thing I’ve had to do in a long, long time. I’m usually comfortable walking into a room of new people, but today I was wrecked with heart-pounding nervousness. I had asked my friend Katie to come along to be a gender neutralizer (ask me if you want to know what this means) and she turned out to be the only girl there. The discussion was stimulating but I wasn’t in any position to answer any questions, nor to ask any.

My stereotypes of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community were definitely broken today. I always have a media-driven image of gay men wearing tight shirts with big muscles. But I saw John Doe, Mr. Everyday Everyone. Sure shows how many biases I have and how unfounded they are. Media influences, the church, especially my super-conservative baptist church. But I’m not here to discount what the church says, I just haven’t heard or seen any LGBT accepted in churches in general. How can I say I know what they think, how they feel if i read a book about them?

Anyway, the GLOW meeting was a big shocker today. I think next week I may be ready for the After-GLOW.

I finally opened my bible on my own for the first time in many weeks. I hadn’t been reading much of God’s word except for at church or at small group meetings since I’ve hardly spent time alone meditating with God. But today I did. And out popped this little piece of paper that said: “My Child, Come Home.”

How fitting, how appropriate for me. How true, it’s just the message I needed to hear.

Today was a big day. Dean (the Navs staff for UWaterloo) had asked for volunteers to be Exec. Sure, not a problem. But I never really thought about being “President”. I didn’t imagine it. I didn’t ask for it. I kinda didn’t want it. And I definitely didn’t expect it.

Really, I don’t feel ready for the position. Dean says that it’s just a title and not too much in terms of things to do. But the title means that I’m representing the Navs community. I’m not sure that I’m the best person to do that. Of course, there is the rationale that noone is perfect, everyone has a part to contribute. But I really don’t feel ready. I’m spiritually unfit (as well as physically unfit), I need lots of spiritual exercise!

So small groups I can lead, yes. Big groups I can help out, yes. But lead the whole group and be like the “figurehead”. Wow! That means that everyone will be looking to me. It’s daunting. I fear that I’ll end up tripping on my shoe laces and looking like a fool, or worse, making Navs look like a sham. Well, I’m stepping up to the plate for this one. Like everything that happened in the summer, God has lots He wants to show me about myself, about Him and about His kingdom. *gulp*

Well it’s been scary. Yes, Friday the 13th is always a scary day. But now it’s scary because it’s the first week of my WORST school term: “2B or not 2B, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the…” (I don’t remember anything else from Hamlet nor do I remember the rest of the line.) Anyway, it’s nice to be bad at school after a not-so-great co-op term this summer.

Hum…. last night we had a “Scary Movie Night” for Navs and it was very cool. Mildly scary because we watched such classics (if they can be called that) as 13th Floor and Lost Boys. I was sadly disappointed at the “scare value” of the movies, but that is absolutely fine by me since I don’t think I could take any real scare value. When I see horror movies I’d rather watch them WITHOUT the music. Those movies are all about the music and its so creepy.

The scary movie night was fun nonetheless. It was the first real get together during the term. It’s good to finally get out of the “Chinese mob” that is Waterloo.

Went home the next day to watch The Big Picture a drama production by Brookstone. The entire production was cast with only 5 people: 4 guys and one girl. I was quite entertained and shocked. While we were watching we saw a guy kiss a guy (yes, on the lips) and then we saw the girl kiss all the guys. This is totally unheard of in a Chinese Baptist church. I could literally hear all the *gasps* each time the girl kissed someone. I don’t think that anyone has ever kissed someone else within the four walls of our church.

My boxes, my perceptions continue to be shattered!

AH! Uncle Sam wants me? Thankfully it’s not uncle Sam Wong! Well, that’d be ‘go-go’ Sam. Anyway, the US Army is doing a whole ton of marketing and advertising these days. I guess it is in response (in part) to all the war and hate that has been revealed over the last year.

So they’ve recently released a game to realistically show what it’s like to be in the US Army. The game “America’s Army: Operations” is so very good. I don’t want to be a proponent of war, hate and death, but the game is very fun! It’s based on the very successful Unreal Tournament engine and it looks just great. The sounds are cool and the gameplay is awesome. Unfortunately it’s not like Unreal where you can get hit with 100 bullets and survive. Take 4-5 hits and you’re dead.

Well, the game is so good that I spent a full day playing. I’m not good enough to be a sniper but I’m good enough to be a regular ‘cannon fodder’ foot soldier. There are so many different things to do: parachuting with the 101st Airborne, ambushes with the 10th Mountain, swamp raids with the Rangers, bridge crossings, collapsed tunnel assaults, prisoner rescues, and the list goes on.

And then after watching Black Hawk Down, about the US Deltas and the Army Rangers, I find out that the army is not for me any more. I’m just not fit enough. Although firing a weapon of mass destruction (a pistol is ALSO a weapon of mass destruction) may illicit a rush of adrenaline, I don’t think I’d have that psychological stamina to do what they do. Sure, it’s great that some people can go out there and fight the dirty wars, but I’ll stay at home and pay the tax dollars. At one point I was thinking of maybe joining the Canadian Forces in their Engineering Branch but I don’t want to have my skills go to bring death to others (even if they “deserve” it). I’d rather use my skills to help people prevent hate and suffering.

As the saying goes: “Everything I learned, I learned from Yoda”:
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

10am: Prayer walk with Chris Hutton. First time EVER doing something like this. It was odd walking and praying at the same time because that meant that we prayed with our eyes open. But it was also weird because people would be hearing us praying. It was a new experience and perhaps we’ll do it more often.
3pm: NAVIGATORS ROAD TRIP! Yup, we went on a road trip out to Toronto for our first “Nava Night” of the term. It was supposed to be a surprise but Dean let it slip the night before. The only surprise was what we were doing in Toronto…
4pm: My sister is driving like a mad woman. That’s what the “country folk” think. Of course, growing up in Toronto does drastically change one’s driving habits!!!
5pm: After 2 hours of grueling traffic downtown we finally made it to Bloor and Avenue. It was the Toronto International Film Festival time of year so we expected to see some famous people and apparently my sister saw Mickey Rourke. Who’s HE??? Anyway, I noticed that us “city folk” walk like lightspeed. This is surprising because we in Toronto walk like turtles compared to those people in Hong Kong! Well, we ended up at the Green Mango which is an excellent place to introduce people to Thai food. Yum, lamb!!!
7:30pm: Arrive at the ROM! And the ROM was FREE!!! There aren’t many free things in life any more so cherish every last one. There was a Sichuan art exhibit that I was thinking of seeing but we were quite short on time so I skipped that. We walked and walked, and OH my feet hurt at the end of that. I think I really like museums, so much history, so much stuff to learn… *cough*geek*cough*
11pm: We run all the way back to have dessert at Hemingways, this Australian restaurant/pub. It’s located in Yorkville and it’s such a chic area. So we take our group of 14 and TRY to find a place for us at 11:00 on a Friday night. It looks like no chance but the Australian waiter lets us take a gazer inside and it seems like we’ll fit. So while I’m taking to this Australian waiter, I take up his Aussie accent and it came so easily. Ah, I can’t wait until I goto down under this winter. It’ll be SOO fun!
2am: I finally get home to Waterloo. *sigh* *snooze*

Well, I’m not really all by myself, but it looks that way almost. I’ve just found out that two of my classmates are out of the country, flying to distant lands. But the NERVE!!!! They didn’t tell me!!!

Anyway, Dan, I hope you enjoy Paris. Don’t get too much of the travel bug. It costs a hefty fee to always travel around and see the world, espcecially on co-op salary.

Winnie, have fun in Taiwan. Time for you to just relax and unwind. (Just like me this week). How come I didn’t see any of you Systems boys’n'girls around? Always somewhere ELSE…

All this talk of travel is making me want to fly away and spread my wings. Well, it makes me want to fly away, not necessarily spread my wings. All of you guys are travelling now, but I’ll have my revenge over Christmas when everyone is freezing to death here. HAHAHAHAAA! So much planning for my trip, I’m SOOO looking forward to Dec 17. BYE cruel, cold Canada! Until then I’ll make do with the wonderful weather we’ve been having.