I’m back at it. Trying to kick the cycle of spiritual life and spiritual death. From the logical standpoint, I still cannot pinpoint the cause and effect of this process. The best hypothesis is human frailty coupled with self-dependence. There is no wrong in human frailty and weakness, but perhaps the answer (to Life, the Universe, Everything) is my self-reliance, my sense of do-it-yourself (D-I-Y). My capacity for achievement is undoubtedly a blessing, a huge gift from God. But it curses me in a strange and illogical way: “I am Superman; I can do everything on my own.”
And now I want to get inline with God. “I“, “ME“. Where is God in this desire? What’s His role? Will I continue to fight independently? No!? I may always represent the “godly role model” to others, but inside I know that I need God’s help, God’s push, more than anyone could ever tell. I am a spiritual dunce and that’s a tough pill to swallow.
But life isn’t always so depressing and negative. Life moves onwards and sometimes upwards. Reading Matthew, I see all these prophecies and promises fulfilled. I’m reminded that God has promised me life. He came to give me a life of abundance not dread. I’m still remembering the promise: “You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13
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